Failure.

I am continually torn between the things that upset me and the knowledge that they are not that big of a deal. On the one hand it's important to keep perspective and realize that most people in the world have to deal with things that I will never have to face. Most of the world has to face poverty. Most of the wold has to face hunger. There are countless things that are truly upsetting that I will never know. On the other hand, is this a reason to suppress and brush off ordeals that really do cause me some turmoil. In this broken world there is life-threatening disease. And then there is dropping a class. Which is exactly the thing that I have chosen to dwell on and over-dramatize. But to me it's more than simply dropping a class...

to me it's feeling like I failed.

to me it's feeling like I might not be able to do it. to finish it.

like it might not work out.

like i might not be good enough.

like i might be missing out.

like i might be making the wrong decision.

like it doesn't really matter but it's all I can think about.

I almost had a panic attack yesterday. I was so stressed and school just started last week. I could hardly breathe all. day. long. So whether or not I'm missing out on something this was decision I had to make. I am weak. And I wish I could learn to boast in my weakness. But I can't. Not yet.

I made the decision and I will deal with the consequences later. I will figure it out later. It will end up OK. It has to.

This. is. poop.

Disappointment

What a cheery topic to start of the month. I think this feeling is common to everyone. At one point or another in one's life you find yourself disappointed.  You didn't get a job you applied for... someone forgot about your birthday... the movie you were excited for was lame... one thing or another life gets to a point where is sucks.

Today was one of those days for me. Somebody close to me didn't come through. An event I had been looking forward, and had actually used the prospect of as motivation has been canceled. And I find that that time will now be filled with being alone. Completely alone.

Funny enough, what I really find myself most distressed about how much it upset me. I should be used to this kind of thing. I shouldn't ever depend on anybody else because they are sure to disappoint. It really is not a big deal, so I really shouldn't care. But I do, because this is the story of my life. When will I ever learn my lesson... stop counting on others. Independence is the key to avoid being disappointed.

I hope I haven't let on to those around me that this has made me sad. That others have the power over me to make me sad. I can't let that happen. I treasure my independence too much to let others have any reign over my emotions. I can't be that lame.

I'm fine. I promise. I just need to stifle it, and it won't be such a big deal to me anymore.

Don't forget to daydream...
Yours truly

Win of the Week

Just so everybody knows, I love to scour secondhand stores for unique treasures. My wardrobe consists mainly of free clothes and clothes purchased at secondhand stores. Needless to say, my clothes are very hodgepodge and I have the tendency to look disorganized or slightly schizophrenic when someone peers into my closet.

A long love of my has always been overalls. No, I'm not four. Why do you ask? I have been known to proudly dawn overalls on a fresh summer or spring day. Last week, something magnificence came into my life. It combined the two essential elements of my wardrobe: my love for secondhand stores and my love for overalls.

Presenting the Win of the Week....

 Why yes, these are overalls with sunflowers on them. You can't really tell in this picture but they are actually shorts overalls instead of pant overalls... I'm pretty sure that makes them better. And I know what all of y'all are thinking, "I'm pretty sure I owned those when I was 7." Well, that won't stop me. I will wear them. I will be laughed at. And I won't care. Weelll I will wear them when I shed a few pounds and can fit into them :-)

This article of clothing represents something greater than just a throwback to my child hood. For me it represents the transformational power that clothes can have. If you you wear something playful, it's nearly impossible not to be a little bit more playful. It's hard not to reminisce to all the good things of  your childhood, and wish that you could someway transport yourself back to the your 4th grade playground. If you slip into these and a wide brimmed hat, you will have a good day. No doubt in my mind. The sunflowers will reflect on to your face and heart making everything in the world seem beautiful and carefree.

Man, I am longing for summer or what?!?


Don't forget to daydream...
Yours Truly

The Breakfast of Champions...

No the breakfast I'm talking about is not Wheaties, although they are every so delicious.
I'm talking about this...

My breakfast pretty much every day of my life. Oatmeal with a little bit of honey and a cup (usually more than one) of coffee. I would not be able to survive without these two things in my life.


Don't forget to daydream...
Yours Truly

Perspective, Sperspective

Ohhhhh how easy it is to loose sight of what is truly important. Interestingly enough my last (and only other) blog post was centered on this same topic.

This has been on my mind once again for several reasons. The foremost being an interesting experience I had this morning. This morning I got the opportunity to participate in outreach that focused on providing food and prayer for the people living on Skid Row. Skid row is several blocks outside of downtown LA. It contains the largest population of homeless people in the United States. I went with a church out of Eagle Rock, and let me tell you, it was truly great to see the interaction of the people from the church with those on Skid Row. The people from CA (the church I went with) had developed a bond with several people downtown, this bond was formed mainly because they proved themselves consistent and never tried to shove anything now their throats.

It was a huge perspective check to immerge myself in their lives for two hours. All other things seemed to fade away... tests that loomed didn't seem as huge... papers were not longer consuming my mind... I was only focused on listening. I wish I could say listening and understanding, but the truth is there is no way I could make sense of the stories I heard. The people I met there faced way more in their lifetimes than most will ever dream of facing. It seemed unreal that these people could coexist in the same 5 mile radius with the workplaces of some of the richest people in the world. I will never be able to see justice in that... I will never understand.

 Here is a great (hahaha) picture that I got from my phone. I don't know if you can tell put right next to Skid Row (indicated by the pin point) there are things such as the LA Fashion District,  Walt Disney Concert Hall, and approximately a million fancy hotels.

Don't forget to daydream...
Yours Truly

The booming metroplis of Healdsburg, CA...

One core foundation (so official hahaha) of this blog is imaginary travel... so here is our first trip.

I was thinking about maybe training for a half marathon... thinking turned into researching potential races and that's when it happened... I stumbled onto a candidate for the cutest town in America, or at least Northern California. Our first destination is Healdsburg, California.

This little town is located right of the 101, in the heart of California wine country. There is a lot to do and see while staying in Healdsburg, from the abundant wineries, to gorgeous golf courses, to exquisite dining. This would be the perfect vacation for someone like me, who loves to go and engulf myself with small town charm, while still having plenty of things to do on the agenda (although agenda might not be right word to use in connection with this laid back small town). I think a long weekend away would be an ideal amount of time to experience this seemingly bewitching town; perhaps this Memorial weekend (although the Summer is peak "tourist" season). 

Some must do's while in Healdsburg (assisted by the Healdsburg visitor's bureau):

          - Take a cooking class located in the town's plaza

          - Visit SEVERAL of the wineries... improve knowledge on the art of wine making

          - Visit the local parks and street markets to really get a feel for the residents

          - My personal favorite: look up every museum and/or art gallery and spend an obscene amount of time at each :-)

     And what kind of imaginary travel agent would I be without recommending a place to stay? I think the perfect spot would be the Redwood Treehouse right on the Russian River and within 10 miles of 60 different wineries. It's quaintness comes at a cost however, for a 4-5 night stay it costs $430/ night. There are various discounts available though, particularly from November to March. The main house sleeps 4-6 people comfortably, so it would be great for a couples getaway. The owners do a great job at maintaining the balance between seclusion and modern comforts. There is free Wifi, as well as access to TVs, dvd players, iPod dock, etc.

I hope that one day I will be fortunate enough to visit this picturesque little town and eat of these yummy desserts...I have no idea what they are, but they look delicious. :-)

Don't forget to daydream...

Yours Truly

A Life worth living...

What kind of expression of that is that anyway? I suppose it's intent is to inspire people to live beyond the schedule and dreary routine of everyday life. But it comes out rather sharp at first.
The point of bringing up that phrase is that today did not seem like a day worth living. It was, indisputably, a very bleak day. But, something good did come of this day: this blog. I decided today that I needed something to look forward to everyday, and a blog was that exact thing. Indeed, I think it was just was the doctor prescribed.

Today was a day that I wished I was back home, in the South, enjoying a sunset without a care in the world. Although I am just a student, it inevitably feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, when, in reality, it is just another test or another paper. I think that all to often people, particularly students, lose track of the world outside their world and thereupon any perspective of what is tragedy and what is only a missed quiz.

On a lighter note, I hope to bring adventure into my life and yours; even if the only motivation for the journey is to document it and share it.

Don't forget to daydream...
Yours Truly