I am continually torn between the things that upset me and the knowledge that they are not that big of a deal. On the one hand it's important to keep perspective and realize that most people in the world have to deal with things that I will never have to face. Most of the world has to face poverty. Most of the wold has to face hunger. There are countless things that are truly upsetting that I will never know. On the other hand, is this a reason to suppress and brush off ordeals that really do cause me some turmoil. In this broken world there is life-threatening disease. And then there is dropping a class. Which is exactly the thing that I have chosen to dwell on and over-dramatize. But to me it's more than simply dropping a class...
to me it's feeling like I failed.
to me it's feeling like I might not be able to do it. to finish it.
like it might not work out.
like i might not be good enough.
like i might be missing out.
like i might be making the wrong decision.
like it doesn't really matter but it's all I can think about.
I almost had a panic attack yesterday. I was so stressed and school just started last week. I could hardly breathe all. day. long. So whether or not I'm missing out on something this was decision I had to make. I am weak. And I wish I could learn to boast in my weakness. But I can't. Not yet.
I made the decision and I will deal with the consequences later. I will figure it out later. It will end up OK. It has to.
This. is. poop.
